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How to forgive ? Forgive them…

even if they are not sorry

By: Rana Rayhan

“Ok. I forgive you.” Usually such a phrase is released when we receive the following statement “I am sorry.”
We mistakenly believe that in order to forgive a person for something said or done we have to receive an apology first; in other words, they have to earn their forgiveness. Unfortunately we fail to realize that one of the main pillars of forgiveness is to never tie it with a condition. Another pillar would be that forgiveness is purely internal; that is; it comes from within ourselves. Forgiveness is never about them; whether they deserve it or not. Forgiveness is totally about US! What we decide to give to earn our freedom.
Forgiveness is the essence of letting go and moving on. We deserve happiness and no one in the entire world should take that away from us. Only when we forgive, can we experience an uncompromising and heart-lifting joy.
To illustrate, what happens when we decide to wait for an apology?

Forgiveness doesn't excuse their behaviorForgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart.
How to forgive, Inspirational, Forgiveness, heart, happier

How to forgive? 
 When we resent or hold a grudge against someone who has hurt us our heart doesn’t get better. In fact, we increase the heavy weight while anticipating what the other person will do after hurting us. The extra weight goes to constant worry and generation of negative thoughts in our head: ‘How do they feel now?’ ‘Is their conscious restless or are they careless?’ ‘What if they felt nothing?’ ‘What if they think my silence is weakness?’ ‘What if they take my kindness for granted?’ and so on.Practicing that actually poisons our heart and results in our wasting time on unnecessary heartache.
Just remember – “There is enough heartache and sorrow in this life, without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, bitterness and resentment.” - —Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Now, what actually happens to us when we decide to forgive others even without receiving a decent apology?
Ever heard of Maya Angelou saying "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."? The key word here is our attitude. Our attitude towards things and people actually cause a paradigm shift on how things and people look to us. If we have a positive attitude, we will see things from an optimistic perspective. A happy mood will actually make us see the half-full portion of the glass.

Here are the beautiful things we gain when we decide to forgive.

         1.    Release our heart from a painful burden.

Again, a heavy heart is a hard thing to carry around. Imagine yourself carrying a very heavy bag of anger, resentment, grudge, sorrow and self-pity. Are you ready to take it all down the road of your life for as long as it takes, knowing that the pick-up truck that was supposed to carry your luggage has run late and might never show up? I can’t bear that and I would rather travel light and enjoy. Read also: What psychologists say about forgiveness? Important for your Health!
Anyone can hold a grudge but it takes a person with character to forgive. When you forgive release yourself from a painful burden. Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was OK, and it doesn't mean that person should still welcome in your life. It just means you have made peace with the pain, and are ready to let it go.
    2-   Gain peace of mind.

As much as we owe our heart joy, we also owe our brain relief from unnecessary and consuming battles. The world needs our input to make it a better place and it can’t have that with a wasted brain. Negative thoughts drain our minds while positive ones fuel them up with energy to produce joyful ones; ones that we actually need to live our life and get ahead at what we can do best to serve ourselves and the people we love.

        3-   Become happier.

A happy person sees the beauty in everything even in their own selves. It is worth mentioning that a happy person is a successful one because in their heart they will always try to look for what to accomplish and what good they can add to their lives and to their surroundings.  Thus, happy people create a positive vibe because their heart has no room for negativity and all the signals they send to the surrounding atmosphere are ones of compassion, understanding and willingness to do well. Accordingly, what we give to the world comes back to us. Read also: How to get rid of fear with 10 simple steps? Psychologist advise

It’s about time we make peace with our lives and become happier and freedom is just the gateway to a healthier journey “we all deserve” to survive life’s tough battles.

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